Maybe you’ve called someone else a supermom or heard it said about you. After listening to this episode, you might think very differently about the supermom label…
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This episode discusses:
Why the supermom label gets said so frequently.
What might be happening to us internally if we’ve ever called someone a supermom.
Our culture’s acceptance of the bare minimum mentality.
Why moms often accept mediocrity in motherhood.
The importance of recognizing and using your unique talents and gifts.
How to enjoy the motherhood that you’ve been blessed with.
DON’T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN? HERE’S THE EPISODE ALL TYPED OUT
Simply Freeing? Motherhood doesn’t feel simply freeing when you’re on autopilot in a home filled with chaos, stress and a ton of pressure. In order to survive the chaos we NEED the right strategies and mindset to embrace the simple and enjoy the few short years we have with our kids. I believe that we are called to see that we CAN rise up, get out of our head, shut out the expectations of the world and what mom life is supposed to be like and change what’s not working so that motherhood is fulfilling. Join me as we discuss all things motherhood, homeschooling, minimalism, faith and health. My mission is to help you embrace simplicity and find freedom in your motherhood. I’m Jackie from Whole9Family and this is the “Simply Freeing” Podcast.
Hello! Welcome back to the podcast. I have been talking a lot about morning routines and I wanted to shift a little bit and bring to light something that I’ve said to other moms many, many times in my life and I know I’ve heard it about myself many times as well. And that is saying that someone has a super mom. I wanted to talk about what it means to be a supermom and why we throw that around so flippantly and what might be happening to us when we say that to someone else.
You’ve probably heard it yourself, “Wow! You’re a Supermom.” Maybe you’ve even said it to someone else. This word can be thrown at someone for no reason other than the fact that they are a mom and might be multitasking in someway. Moms are typically multitaskers because they have no other choice. It’s not that they’re multitasking because they want to be multitasking. Life is crazy as a mom and you have no choice but multitask in order to survive sometimes at the end of the day. Having children and doing anything other than keeping your kids alive is often thought of as the impossible.
How many times have you seen someone probably declare on social media that everyone is alive and well and that’s all that matters today. Maybe you’ve even said that yourself. I know I have. Our culture perpetuates a bare minimum mentality because we “just can’t.”
I don’t want to cook. I’m sick of cooking. Goldfish and carrots is acceptable right?
I can’t get up early. My kids don’t sleep at night. (But yet, you’re being a robot mom something I talked about in episodes 8 and 9, doing things that are not productive instead of resting when you have the time.)
I can’t even think about spending time with my husband at night. What the heck is intimacy?! I’m so darn tired!
We are so quickly getting burnt out when we’re in this bare minimum state and that’s why I wanted to bring this up today. We set such low expectations for ourselves. When we set low expectations, what do we expect is going to happen?! Not much! I know some seasons are harder than others and there are plenty of situations where the bare minimum mentality is justified especially when mental illnesses that play so if there is something that is major happening in your life. Something that is seriously impacting your life, please know that this not a message for you. If you’re feeling out of control and in a constant state of “I just can’t do this mom thing” you may need some additional help, so please reach out to someone.
I’m speaking to moms that are doing the bare minimum and accepting that this phase of life is what it is. The bare minimum is all you can do. This is not true! This is what our culture is telling us! We’re bombarded with that.
There are plenty of reasons why are you my call someone a super mom:
If they have a homeschool that seems so organized and consistent and their house doesn’t look like a tornado, they might be considered a supermom.
If they’re working from home and homeschooling, while managing the house and being a wife a mom, they might be a supermom.
Maybe you would call someone a supermom because they are so “others focused.” How do they have so much time to be hospitable like that and welcome others into their home?
What about the families that adopt other children into their home? You might look at them and think, 🤔 How in the world do they think outside of their own family. I can’t even get myself together, nevermind adopt or even think about adopting another child. How could another family be so “others focused?” They’re probably a supermom.
What do you envision when you think of a supermom?
In the past when I thought about a supermom, I literally envisioned a mom with a cape and a bunch of kids hanging off of her while she’s doing some maintenance cleaning of an already spotless, decluttered house. Do you know why I envisioned that? Because having a consistently neat home was what I always wanted to have. This was the cause of so many of my struggles in my marriage with Jon. I wanted to get to that place so badly. I wanted to get into maintenance mode where I would simply clean up the house. A place where I wasn’t constantly picking up stuff seemed impossible to me. I will talk about this in another episode. Jon and I are so different. He is very organized. He loves a spotless home and I realize now that I like things to be minimal because that’s the easiest way to maintain the house but I don’t necessarily care as much if there are dishes in the sink and if there are a few things out of place…it doesn’t bother me as much as it bothers him. That’s the reason why my supermom was always the mom that is in a spotless house who is able to get everything done but still have a neat home…because that was something I was always struggling with.
Throughout the years, I never even thought there was a way out of that. I would look at other moms and think well that is just not something that I could ever do. I would put myself down instead of asking for help or teaching my kids to help in whatever way they could. I just ended up getting too discouraged about what I couldn’t do and that made me unwilling to even try to figure out what the answer to my problem was. It was so much easier to accept the bare minimum mentality. I’m a mom. I can’t adult today. I’m just going to do the bare minimum and keep the kids alive.
Here’s what you need to hear. These supermoms that seem to have it all together, don’t actually have superpowers but you probably think they do because of your own insecurities and beliefs about yourself. This is so important that I’m going to say that again, in case a child of yours is screaming in the background. Supermom that seem to have it all together, don’t actually have super powers but you probably think they do because of your own insecurities and believes about yourself.
The problem with a supermom label, is that it’s often thrown at someone without thought in conversation. You see someone in passing. You throw out that you’re a supermom label. There’s some awkward laughter. Maybe there’s some humble No…I’m definitely not a super mom. You should come to my house comment and everyone goes about their day. Do you know what happens behind closed doors of these “supermom’s” homes? So much happens! Some moms that are called supermom may be struggling in life big time. I know I was! Others might be desperate for friendships and channeling that loneliness by working to try to keep their home spotless. Some of them might have crumbling marriages But they’re trying to keep up a little bit of normalcy so they distract themselves by pursuing something that’s easier to control. To an outside or they may look like they have it all together but you’re only really seeing one aspect of their life. Some moms might be struggling with their finances and it might outwardly appear that everything is fine but yet they’re really in debt.
We only get glimpses of what the family is actually like on social media and social media is not what we should be using as the avenue to get to know someone else. It’s a good starting point for sure but if possible, it really needs to go beyond a phone screen. We are not called to be superficial in our relationships. We’re called to link arms together, bear each other‘s burdens, encourage each other and be real and authentic…iron sharpening iron. If we are not in each others lives we can assume that someone is okay and thriving and move on based on how they present themselves on the surface. Creating those bonds with other moms, sharing eachother’s burdens and walking alongside them takes time and is a heck of a lot harder than sitting on the sidelines admiring their “supermomness” on Instagram. Is that even a word? It is now! 😉
What’s really funny about this episode is that just the other day I went out to the park with a friend and she actually called me a supermom. Inside I was cracking up and I felt super awkward internally. I didn’t want her to think that this podcast episode came about because of our conversation. It totally didn’t.
I want you right now to think of someone that you consider to be a supermom. What is it about them that’s making you think that way? What does their life look like outwardly? What is it about that mom that makes you feel like they can do it all? Have you actually spent time with them? If you haven’t spent time with this supermom, why not? Are they a popular Instagram influencer that inspires you? Why are they so inspiring? However the supermom is in your mind deep down do you feel that their life is somehow not possible for you?
You might give a supermom label and quickly move on with your “mediocre life” because that supermom title could never be yours. You might have been called a supermom yourself and inside you’re thinking…yeah, if they only knew.
As a Christian, you are a supermom but it doesn’t have anything to do with you. It’s by the grace of God. That Supermom that “has it all together” probably had to go through a ton of hardships to get there.
I want all moms listening to this podcast today to feel like a supermom. You can do all things through Christ to strengthen to you. Not because your morning routine is in place or your home school schedule is perfectly set up. Not because you finally found the best cleaning strategy that will actually work but because you know that if you put in the work, you’ll be more likely to create lasting change in your family. You can feel like a supermom as soon as you acknowledge that if you want something in your life to change, you can’t sit on the sidelines anymore! You can’t waste your entire weekend watching Netflix when you have a few hot minutes to yourself. You have to show up and do the work. Stop watching everybody else doing what you wish you could do. It’s getting you nowhere. And the honest truth, some people have natural God-given talents that you probably don’t have but maybe you need to tap into the strengths that you’ve been given by God instead of focusing on your weaknesses…Instead of looking at other people and wishing you had their strengths. You have strengths too!
Once you tap into your God given talents, and you do have talents even if you feel like you don’t, you can use them to change whatever isn’t working for your family with God’s help. You can have a thriving, life giving homeschool. You can have a happy marriage. You can overcome obstacles without letting them destroy you. You can make confident decisions and create routines and systems that work in your home because you’re focused on doing so for the right reasons. You can be a supermom if you start feeling like one internally and stop taking actions that aren’t moving the needle towards becoming the wife and mom that you want to be!
So this episode might sound harsh but I think sometimes we get in the state of self sabotage and put ourselves down and look at other people and we think…
I could never do what they do. How can they have such an organized home? How can they have such well behaved kids? How can they look so happy in their marriage? Why are they able to do XYZ? Why are they able to go on vacations and do this and that and I’m still struggling over here.
Stop wasting time looking at other people and wondering why you aren’t there and start doing something about the life that you’ve been blessed with.
Today I’m opening the doors to a free Facebook community that I would be so happy to have you join. I want to talk about the things that I’ve been bringing up in this podcast for the last 2+ months. You can join by going to https://facebook.com/groups/simplyfreeing to request access, I’d love to see you there. I can’t wait to discuss these things some more.
To learn more about me and the resources I’ve created to help you in your motherhood, head to whole9family.com. See you next week friends!