Jackie: In today’s episode Anna DeSalvo, a productivity coach, is going to discus delegation. You'll learn systems to help you to be able to decide what tasks need to be delegated so that you can have more peace and less stress...
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This Episode Discusses:
What delegation is.
Why delegation is important.
How to begin deciding what tasks needs to be delegated
How to delegate tasks to your family.
Anna’s 3 tier system of delegation.
DON’T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN? HERE’S THE EPISODE ALL TYPED OUT:
Lets face it…Being a homeschooling mom who also works from home can be pure chaos! As you’ve probably already noticed, despite the occasional laugh track, life isn’t a sitcom and everyday struggles are rarely resolved in 30 minutes with commercial breaks to keep your sanity in check so the right strategies and mindset are vital for becoming more productive and less overwhelmed with all the things life throws at us. Enter the Simply Freeing Podcast…Episodes for the highly passionate, busy work at home, homeschooling mama ready to break away from cultural norms and raise life long learners. So let kick stress to the curb, throw chaos out the door and order in some peace and simplicity…with a cup of coffee, or 3.
Jackie: Hey Anna! Thanks for coming on the show today!
Anna: Thanks so much for having me!
Jackie: I am really excited about this topic because it is something that I have struggled with for a while and I hear this coming up so often…Not knowing how to find the time to do everything that needs to be done with regards to home management and cleaning and then also homeschooling and trying to work and fit it all in so delegation is a big deal! And it's not something that is easy to wrap our brains around if we haven't grown up in a house that practiced this, you know? I feel like the overwhelmed mom that grew up in an overwhelmed home, sometimes becomes an overwhelmed mom because that's all you know so I wanted to talk about this topic for that reason.
Anna: Yes! I love this topic so much because we do feel like we have to do it all and we forget that there are so many benefits to delegation as well. There are benefits for our kids to learn how to do things. There are benefits for us so that we're not as overwhelmed and we could spend more time actually on those other things that are our main priorities right now, you know? For the homeschooling parent… developing fun activities for kids to do. Being able to just be have things kind of in a calm state in the house and so delegation, I think, is a wonderful tool but a lot of times, because we use it so much in the in the business field, we maybe look at it a little bit like, “Oh well, it's something I have to pay somebody to do” and I like to just dispel that myth right away if we could do that.
Jackie: How did you get into teaching about this? What do you do for work?
Anna: I call myself a Time Freedom Coach and really I help people with time management, productivity and really life management, what it comes down to. And so as a full time working parent, you know I really struggled with juggling that as well as the guilt I often felt from not being fully present as well as just trying to take care of that laundry that was piled up all the time! You know what I'm talking about! You know the laundry or the dishes and it felt like it was constantly like I was coming in the house and going and doing those tasks all the time and there wasn't ever really time to breathe.
But I also have found as I've transitioned to my own business at home…You know I work from home full time too. In some ways there's more of a challenge with that because you're at work or you're at home and so I think it can be pretty challenging to separate those roles and know where to spend your time and energy so I'd love to help people do that because really my whole thing is, we should be able to prioritize things that are most important to us. We have plenty of time so long as we know where we want to spend it and i just love being able to help people kind of fits those puzzle pieces into their life in a way that feels calm, satisfying and fulfilling.
Jackie: Many moms don't think they have plenty of time! They always feel like they're running out of time and that is one of the reasons why I started decluttering my house years back because it gave me more time. The more stuff that I got rid of, I felt like I had more time back because I wasn't spending so much time on my house. That feeling of like “Ahhh! Time is running out!” lessened when I did that.
Anna: I think that’s true because a lot of times it is sort of that feeling of the walls kind of closing in on us that leads to that feeling of “I don't have enough hours in the day.” You're constantly thinking of your To Do List that's running in the back of your mind and when you're doing that you really don't have any mind space to kind of enjoy the moment whenever that is. Maybe you're sitting down with your kids to read a book or are washing your dishes or something…you can't really be present in your house when you have all of that stuff. So decluttering your house, decluttering your schedule…all those things can help. And sometimes just slowing your body down and walking through it in a more mindful way leads us to kind of that feeling of, I have all the hours I need for the things that are most important to me.
Jackie: I have to really practice that over time because that's not in my nature. My nature is go go go go and keep pushing and keep doing and after a while, you burn out and that’s not healthy. And it's also not good to have our kids see us be that way. We want to teach them how to be in the moment and stop reacting in the moment because we're so stressed out and overwhelmed.
Anna: Absolutely! And with time management there are kind of these 3 pillars to it:
1. Know where your time is going.
2. Identify and eliminate obstacles.
3. Take YOU out of the equation (Which is what we’re talking about today.)
Meaning learn to delegate certain tasks and develop teamwork at home, especially if you're homeschooling. You want to develop that team work at home so that way you can sort of offload things and then also it kind of goes in the other direction to where you can take things back on your plate as you have more time and energy to do it. And we don't always think of that part as being like that official but sometimes there are things we want to be making sure that we do like, we don't like how people load the dishwasher…You know what I'm talking about?! So you want to be able to do that thing and so being able to do that and offload some of the other tasks that don't bother you as much you know? Like if the towels get folded funny or something like that. Those are kind of the discerning factors that you can do as you're kind of going through this process that we're going to talk about today.
Jackie: OK so let's talk about delegation. Tell us what we can expect if we're trying to delegate or feeling like we're overwhelmed, and we want to do something different.
Anna: I think that the biggest piece is that when you're kind of feeling overwhelmed and overloaded is really to gather your team and in this process that I do with folks is generally establishing kind of these things called daily pillars where you're able to sit down and just talk with people in your family, whether it be a family meal you know? Basically dinner in our house is non-negotiable you know? We're pretty much always have dinner together so we always have that pillar in the day that we're going to be able to connect. But you know if you're not in that place right now you can just kind of gather everybody and just kind of have an honest conversation about where things are. It’s really challenging to do all of these things in the day and then list them out…
What are all the things that you do in the day? What are all the bills that get paid in the house? What are all the little things that nobody really thinks about? What are the jobs of the kids in the day? They have homework to do you know? They have certain they jobs too, you know? And all of that work can be listed out and then as a team you can start coming up with some strategies about. OK I need help. How can we do this as a team effort together? I’m not going to promise you that that first step is the easiest step because especially if everybody is not used to taking on extra duties… I think I saw in your Instagram that you kind of delegate out dinner to the kids and the family over the course of the week and that's a great thing to do because t's one thing that now you don't have to think about. You can spend that time on something else. even just little things like that. How can they have a say in that process first and I think that's really the step of cultivating that team work sp your not getting as many moans and groans about the fact that, “Hey! Mom needs a little help!”
I think this could happen especially with that 3 and 4 year age range when they like to help. I was a teacher and I know that you were too. For 12 years I was an educator and you know when I taught preschool and when I taught 5th grade and in any capacity kids feel purposeful when they have something to do to contribute and so I think that that's really important for everyone to sort of buy in that everybody's doing something in the house to kind of make things run so I really think that's kind of the first step you're talking about. How can you take something off your plate right away and also understand that you should only give away those activities that you're OK with it if it doesn’t get done the way you like or like don't delegate the laundry to your 3 year old who doesn’t know how to use the washing machine and make her break things you know? Some of those things even though they're like yes, I really wanna do that. OK maybe you can help me put it into the laundry basket.
Jackie: If the kids are older there may be some pushback too if they're not used to this, that is something that might take a couple of weeks. I know that happened with us. It took us a while to establish a chore system and to begin working as a team because before that, it was all me doing everything and burning out because that's just all I knew and I'm an only child too. So much of what we do as moms is based on how we grew up. It's just how it is and because I'm an only child you know? I didn't really grow up with this big team with a bunch of kids helping mom out.
Anna: Yeah and it can be a big shift like my daughter is an only child too and so even with that though, you can still kind of create that team work atmosphere too because we took on all jobs too and we had all of those things lined out as well. All the things that as adults we were doing as well so everybody saw like OK well yeah mom and dad have to do all these things as well as I'm taking on these tasks as well and I think that as they grow you can kind of add a little bit more but you're right, it does take a little bit of time. I kind of view it as a habit you know? In the habit formation is sort of that six weeks and during that time you're gonna run into the phase of when it’s just not that fun meaning you're training somebody to do it. And we'll talk about that a little bit. There are other tiers in this model but really that first piece is offload. If you're not sure what you should offload, look at the things that typically get missed on a regular basis you know? The laundry getting folded and put away even if it's something small like the laundry getting put away. Or it's really hard to figure out what to have for dinner every single night really put their input in, you know? Those kinds of things are just small things you can do in the very bottom tier to give yourself a little breathing room so that way you can start the next tier which is sort of these systems and routines that we have.
I always say like the best way to take things off your plate is to start making a routine out of it kind of going back to that habit you know? Make a routine out of it. Do it kind of the same way every single day so I only do laundry on Sundays. I don't do it any other day of the week you know? That's just my routine on Sundays. I call it “Set it up Sunday.” I get all the laundry done. I get the menu done and I get the groceries ordered and so that's just kind of a way to take it off your brain like you don't have to think, “Oh it's Wednesday night. I have to do a load of laundry.” You don't have that going in the back of your brain. You have that brain space now to think about, What am I gonna do tomorrow for the lesson that I have? Or even just to have some time to sit and read for a few minutes you know? Something that kind of fills you up again. So that's the second tier of delegation. The first was kind of getting everybody to work as a team. The second is those routines and then the systems are the part of that that will help your kids and your significant other do it the way you want him to do it.
Jackie: Let's just go back to the laundry thing for a minute because I don't view it like you. The way I see it is that when my laundry basket is full, I do laundry and when my 2 little ones have a full basket, I do their laundry. My big ones are on their own so I don't even think about their laundry. I'll remind them if I think about it but if they run out of clothes that's the consequence of not doing their laundry and sometimes they have to pick out their gymnastics clothes out of the hamper and that's just life. I try to remind them but I thought it would be helpful to hear a different way to view it because you seem to be very organized by nature right? I'm very much more laid back. I do like meals to be organized 'cause that helps my day but laundry to me doesn't really stress me out at all. It's really weird.
Anna: Yeah and I think paying attention to that thing that you just said you know? If it doesn't stress you out doesn't need to be something that's taken off your plate necessarily you know? If it works for you, that's a routine too that you're talking about you know? If you just do it when the laundry basket is filled up as long as it's not kind of running in the back your mind maybe it's not something that needs to be taken off your plate. But you already have delegated it in a way to your older kids right? It's just your younger kids that you have still doing it so in a way you have already kind of offloaded that. My daughter was the same. I taught her at 8 years old how to do her laundry and I haven't done her laundry since unless I was being nice. And same thing you know if it's dirty, that's a bummer you know? I mean that's also routine kind of what you're talking about. It doesn't have to be like, OK well every Sunday you're going to do it. It could just be like oh, I saw that laundry over there looks kind of full. OK. But kind of paying attention to those inner signals as to whether or not that stresses you out or not is kind of how I look at it. That makes sense. Yeah that's good to know. So then the next year after that is…
Anna: Yes so actually in that second tier that's still there's like systems in it too and the reason I say that this one is really important is it's the written out stuff so it's things like…actually we have our laundry system written out and put on the wall in the in the laundry room and that way if for instance a Sunday I'm busy that day somebody else can take it over. My husband can take it over. My daughter can take it over and that's kind of goes back to that teamwork piece cultivating that teamwork. Sometimes we just kind of go out of our way to help each other with other you know tasks that are not technically on our plates. So even kind of cultivate that teamwork so that way if somebody does have to take that system on, it's not that big of a deal. But that piece is important because if you ever do get to the top tier which is hiring somebody… Spoiler alert! Then you can already have something in place that you don't have to like think about, oh how do I do train? How do I tell somebody how to do? This takes kind of one of those pieces out of the equation where you're like, oh it's too hard to have somebody else do it so I'm just gonna keep doing it myself, if that makes sense you know? And things are good to have systems for…you know your meal planning system, if you have one laundry system. if you have one, and how certain things are put away. When I was a classroom teacher I would have diagrams outside of the kids cubbies you know…How you should put things away so if it bothers you, those are kind of the things like, if you like the towels to be folded in a certain way, that can go on the inside of the closet…stuff like that. Put up signs on doors to prevent interruptions… just kind of things like this. It’s like taking you out of the equation so that way you don't have to have an interaction with somebody. A lot of times that's the hardest part I think of delegation. It's just like holding that line like yeah I'm not gonna go pick that up and take care of it even though that person is not loading the dishwasher correctly you know those kinds of things.
Jackie: I like to think of it as martyr syndrome. Moms in general…They do it all and they put everything on themselves and almost to a fault and they they've done it for so long they don't even know how to fathom what it would look like to give up something or or even think about spouses that really aren't helpful and I know that's an issue too.
Anna: That's why the teamwork and really just a lot of communication has to happen and begin happening so that things like that can change. I think that's a really important piece 'cause that that's a big stickler for people is is the difficulty with the upfront expectations of everything and you know that kind of is a boundary talk you know? How do we actually hold these boundaries with people? How do we actually make sure that we keep everybody kind of moving in the direction of still taking on these tasks which we can talk about too but I find that just having that conversation about saying like, “I need help” and then listing out what everyones already doing so everybody feels seen and heard you know? Also you know the things that my husband does get listed out too you know? He goes to work for this amount of hours a day. He is the one that takes care of the bills in terms of actually like physically paying them and those kinds of things. So those are kinds of the things that you can start and it also like helps you see to like oh what are other people taking care of? Maybe your kids are already doing a lot more than you think they are and it kind of helping with that but yeah, the martyrdom syndrome, I think is really common. And if you start to feel that if only they just it's a good signal to have that conversation. Getting everybody together and asking for some help.
The third tier is free or low cost services. This is stuff that doesn't really cost anything for you to do. Things like groceries at grocery pick up or grocery delivery you know…The things that that don't cost a lot of money to do but they still don't require a lot of your time in our business is that something simple like setting up an acuity scheduler so you're not like asking. When are you available? Doing things like having only certain days be the day that you have a particular lesson, or you only do field trips on this day of the week. These are just ways to kind of consolidate decisions that you have to make so you're not consistently having to spend time or energy doing that makes sense?
Jackie: Yes that definitely makes sense. Even the like this podcast interview… I was out all day and I didn't have to remind you to hop on you know? I just texted you just to say hey we're still meeting right but yesterday you got the reminder and that's like huge because I would totally forget if I didn't have a scheduler going and yeah it really is it's a it's a lifesaver when it comes to time management so it took a lot of time to learn and set it up and 'cause I'm not a tech person but it really really paid off in the end.
Anna: I think that that's important too like some of these do take a little bit of a time investment and that's why I put that kind of at the third tier also because it does help if you kind of have done some of these other steps first so you actually have the time to sit down and invest a little bit of time into that time management system but I don't even say like your Google Calendar or something like that or a family calendar those kinds of things also are really helpful 'cause how many times have you been like, “Oh I didn't realize I had that thing and now I have to like figure out what to do with the kids or you know your significant other said that they had something going on after work and you didn't realize it and so having that all consolidated on one calendar can be really helpful. And now our teenager…We've taught her how to put all her appointments in our calendar too so there's no question about where she is or what she's doing or any of that stuff just makes it easy but the last time people don't think about it as delegation and it is I mean it's outsourcing really all of that but it's a piece we don't think of because it's automatic. It's not something that requires us to ask somebody to do it necessarily. It’s very helpful.
Ane then that last piece is hiring somebody and you know this one I don't say is realistic for everyone which is why I put it at the very top and I use this tiers of delegation model for businesses. I use it for individuals. So you know when I'm working with somebody who is a business owner this can be really helpful and because you've already made your systems right? You're just handing it off to somebody else like a virtual assistant, somebody who helps with administrative tasks or logos or something like that. But in your life too, I mean things like house you know having a housekeeper or a laundry service you know? These are things that are worth thinking about especially for women who are working full time or really have demanding side businesses, it can be a way to offload that one or once or twice a month and that really comes down to if it's a priority then you guys can have a conversation about it, if that's how you want to spend your money. What will it provide if you do spend more money that way and when I worked full time it made sense you know? Even when I was running my business and my daughter was going to school and we were all kind of working from home, it made sense too because we all kind of had our little spaces and then getting out of the house for awhile it was really kind of nice. We’re all cooped up together for a while getting out of the house and doing something together was kind of nice so if you've made those systems then you have something that you can just easily hand off to somebody or even like a mother's helper you know? Those kinds of things where somebody just comes over and hangs out with the kids for an hour while you go run to the store or while you go pick up the groceries or maybe they pick up the groceries you know? These are kind of the the tiny things that you can do to just offload an hour or two so thatyou aren't so exhausted all the time.
Jackie: Something like that makes such a huge difference and the financial investment isn't as much. A mothers helper wouldn't be as expensive as a babysitter 'cause I know depending on some family’s finances it can be really stressful and frustrating to look at someone else who's having like weekly date nights and going out every Tuesday night and then you know they're saying well I don't have grandma and grandpa to come and watch my kids and I don't live by family and I can't afford to hire a babysitter and it just becomes this like, they feel trapped you know? So they have to find ways to kind of escape a little bit and have some time to themselves without having to hire somebody too and a lot of that is like slowing down, being mindful, offloading all the things that are causing stress. I mean you can still kind of have sometime freedom to yourself even without hiring somebody else.
Anna: Absolutely! And I think that it's so important not to just follow the myth that delegation or outsourcing means hiring somebody. That's the last step and in fact I would say you shouldn't hire anybody until you've done all these other steps 'cause you don't necessarily know how to give it to somebody else so that you don't have to take it back from somebody else if that makes sense. So a lot of times we don't ever give something over because we know I do it the way we want to or we don't know how to have that conversation… “Hey I don't really like how you do this thing. Can you do it this way instead?” And by having kind of that system up front, that second tier it stops a lot of that up front you know? You don't really have to have that that conversation on the back end 'cause you've had that conversation on the front end or you can easily refer back to that system…”I notice that you missed this when you did the garbage, you know? I'm looking at the system here and I just want to make sure we're both clear on this versus having that conversation on the back end if that makes sense? It's just much easier to kind of front load all that stuff up front and it's less discouraging when we think of it that way too because it's like OK well I don't need to hire somebody in order to have an extra hour or two a day you know? I just need to kind of systemize some of the stuff and build some routines in my day so that way I can feel a little bit more wiggle room, I call it.
Jackie: And also too, there is always a way to get to a point where you can have the ability to hire somebody and I think sometimes we block ourselves from having dreams from dreaming and thinking that we can never earn the amount of money to be able to delegate and hire out but that's not necessarily true. There are ways to build your income in all different areas. Sometimes it just means you need to think out of the box a little bit but it is possible. And I think that mindset alone really helps give you a little bit more peace knowing that you don't have to stay stuck in this stressful situation. Things can get better you know?
Anna: Yeah I think that's really important and that there is a way to do it even if that's like kind of your goal of your business you know? So that you can just have that extra money to spend on this thing where you're hiring somebody up there is a way to get to that point for sure.
When we first did it, like we just moved into our house and you know? It was not a good time to have that conversation and what it was for me is just like going line through line through line in our budget and just finding the funds in our budget to do it but that took a lot of you know will on my part and a lot of also extra time so that's why the other steps probably are more important first.
Jackie: Yeah this is been so so helpful I love having this conversation. How long would you say a process like this would take if someone is starting from feeling like they have not worked as a team and they need to get started there first. How long do you think something like this would take?
Anna: I think each stage probably takes that you know 30 to 60 days you know of really kind of developing that teamwork first and then getting into this systems and routines and then once you kind of get those two pieces, I think that's a good foundation and then from there it just becomes a little bit more fluid. Same thing though when you hire somebody…You're going to have to sort of give that lead time to be able to do that so it takes time. I don't mean like time in the day but it takes you know a couple of weeks for each section and so it is something to think about 'cause I think a lot of times we get really discouraged if not everyone is excited to do this after the first week you know? The truth is you're not excited about how things are right now you know? And so the tradeoff is kind of working everybody into helping a little bit more and that is just a little bit of a process but same with home schooling you know? It wasn't just overnight that it was easy you know? It took a little bit of time to get into that rhythm you know? It takes a little bit of time whenever you're starting a new behavior pattern to build it and so be patient with yourself, patient with your family…Nobody is all excited to do this overnight. Who wants to do laundry anyway, you know what I mean?!
Jackie: Yes! Absolutely!
Anna: I mean some people like it and that's great you know? I try and enjoy it while I'm doing it, I try and find joy in all of the things that we're doing and ensuring that we're having joy even in those hard moments when we're washing the dishes you know?
Jackie: If someone wanted to work with you, how can they do that? Yeah I have two offerings. One is just clear your plate. You have too much on your plate. Prioritize what are those areas that you really want to be spending your time on and that sometimes is the first step to getting time freedom is just knowing like, Oh yeah…I really do want to spend most of time here. Practicing where you need to spend most of your time if you're homeschooling parent and you run a business. Those are you know you've got a main dish already and you've got a side dish and so what are the kind of the two other key areas and I kind of take you through a process with that and I have an offering called time freedom which is a little bit more help. I go 6 to 8 weeks of prioritizing and then how do you deal with those obstacles and then how do you actually take you out of the equation by setting boundaries and following up on those boundaries so those can all be found on my website: AnnaDesalvo.com
Jackie: Thank you so so much. This has been very very helpful.
Anna: I hope so and thank you so much for your time. I really appreciate it! I hope that everybody gets a little bit more time and walks away from this feeling like you have all the time you need for the things that are most important to you.
Jackie: I love that! Thanks Anna!
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