It’s not unusual to see that the world is very divided but when this division hits home and impacts our family, that’s when the real struggles come. In this episode we discuss ways to make sure you and your spouse are on the same page in homeschooling and life…
Resources mentioned in this episode:
This episode discusses:
Why we’re often so divided in our marriages when it comes to homeschooling.
What to do when you and your spouse are not on the same page when it comes to homeschooling.
Tips for communicating more effectively in your marriage.
DON’T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN? HERE’S THE EPISODE ALL TYPED OUT:
Lets face it…Being a homeschooling mom who also works from home can be pure chaos! As you’ve probably already noticed, despite the occasional laugh track, life isn’t a sitcom and everyday struggles are rarely resolved in 30 minutes with commercial breaks to keep your sanity in check so the right strategies and mindset are vital for becoming more productive and less overwhelmed with all the things life throws at us. Enter the Simply Freeing Podcast…Episodes for the highly passionate, busy work at home, homeschooling mama ready to break away from cultural norms and raise life long learners. So let kick stress to the curb, throw chaos out the door and order in some peace and simplicity…with a cup of coffee, or 3.
Hello! Hello! Welcome back to the Simply Freeing Podcast! Today in episode 21 we're going to be talking about what happens when you and your spouse are not on the same page with homeschooling and life. How many times do we have our own beliefs about something and our spouse is on the total opposite end of the spectrum? That is the hardest place to be. I was there and I know that this is something that comes up a lot. I hear this a lot. It is hard to be married to someone that is not on the same page as you especially when it comes to raising kids. You really want to be united in your decisions and you have to come to some sort of an agreement. I know right now with what's happening in the world, there are a lot of new homeschooling families.When we are starting to homeschool and someone in the marriage is not really thrilled about it, there's a lot of division happening right in our own homes. It's just hard. I have experience with being on opposite pages. I never wanted to homeschool. When I was pregnant with my second daughter, it was Jon that suggested that I stay home with her. I knew I wasn't going to send her to the public preschool so he suggested that instead of paying for a private preschool, I should just homeschool her since I have a teaching degree…
You know that feeling when someone says something that brings up all the feelings…
That's not my plan. That's not what I want to do. You know that feeling where you immediately put a wall up. I was really angry inside. I didn't even want to hear about homeschooling as an option. I used to make fun of homeschoolers. It was not something that was ever in my mind. I had a few friends that did it from our church. There were two local co-ops that were running in New York City at the time but homeschooling was not a big deal back then. Ten years ago it was not popular. I definitely did not have it in my heart to homeschool and that's really hard to start something when you're not all in.
It is something that I worked through and eventually I was like alright I guess he has a point. I can do this and then my teacher mentality kicked in and I started setting up our “classroom in the basement.” If you go back and listen to episode 3 of the simply freeing podcast, I talk all about that it's called “why being a teacher made me a not so great homeschool mom” It’s one of the most popular episodes here on the podcast and I think it's for a reason. So many former teachers - they do it all wrong when they homeschool because they think they have to recreate the education system. That's what you absolutely do not want to do. I didn't know any of these things! Hindsight is 2020 right?!
I wanted to to record this episode for the families that just feel like there's so much division and I want to help you to focus on the right things so if you're not home schooling yet, I want you to consider what knowledge gaps need to be filled for your spouse so if your spouse is like totally not into this homeschooling thing and he's like send them to school…and you know that this is something that you want to do, you have to think about…
What does he needs to learn about homeschooling?
Why does he feel so hesitant around homeschooling?
A lot of times we are hesitant and we put up those blocks because we're really ignorant. We don't know much about it. We only know the way society has painted homeschoolers to be…weird and unsocialized! If all he's ever known is a life that's completely opposite of homeschooling can you blame him?! I know this from experience because I never ever even had a homeschooling friend growing up so I didn't know what the homeschool world really was like. It's very possible that if your spouse is putting up a wall and not wanting this to happen with the family, it's possible that he just doesn't know much about it.
Maybe he had a friend that was homeschooled who didn't turn out so great or maybe he read an article that didn't portray homeschooling in a good light.
Maybe you've even crushed his dreams of having his kids get into Harvard or Yale.
A lot of times we think how could we possibly educate our children well enough without a teaching degree. Whatever his fear is, wherever it comes from, you have to find out you have to communicate and give him the information that he needs to feel more confident that this is a right choice for your family.
Maybe his fear comes from seeing you doing too much in the season of life that you're already in. If you are already frazzled with your job, managing a cluttered home…There is a lot of chaos! A lot of children! Can you really blame him for that whatever his reasoning is? I have one word…COMMUNICATION! It's really that simple. We don't want to retreat and run away because it's easier. When things are hard and when there are disagreements and arguments running away from that and not addressing where the root of that is, you are going to have a problem. I guarantee that if you don't communicate clearly about what the real reason is behind why he's against homeschooling and really put everything out on the table, eventually that bitterness that you have inside because you want to and he doesn't - you're going to blow up eventually and that's not what you want!
You want to give your spouse time to talk and genuinely listen to his concerns. Maybe you don't give him a response right away. Sometimes, we have to take time to think through why he may be feeling this way and see if there's some information that he's missing that you can give him to ease his mind. I know it is so common in arguments to have someone talk to you and all you’re doing is thinking about your response and you're not even really listening. I know I do that a lot so I've had to really remind myself how important it is to listen. We don't listen anymore. I know we have a million things going on in our mind as moms but when you're talking to your spouse, you have to stop running all the stories in our mind trying to come up with our responses and really just listen. Try it! It's amazing!
Maybe you need to set up time to meet with a current homeschooling family without kids to talk. Get the kids with the babysitter and talk to another family. Maybe you need to go to a homeschooling conference or in person. Maybe read a book about homeschooling together and discuss. You might even want to discuss outsourcing some of the homeschooling at first. I think it's important to not try and do it all at once. I think we try to do too much at first because we are so excited and that's when failure happens. Maybe that has happened to you in the past? Maybe you've homeschooled before and you've tried to do too much and you failed. Discuss what your situation is and possibly outsource if you need to. Tell your spouse that it's a trial year of homeschooling families take it year by year you have every right to change your mind.
Finally, I have to ask this…
How is your marriage? Being on completely different pages when it comes to education could mean that there are some deeper issues that need to be addressed. In the past, my frustrations in my marriage came from the fact that Jon complained and didn't fix anything about the situation and I complained and tried to do everything all at once to everyone's detriment. He walked away and I just totally tried to do it all. We both have really strong personalities that took us in opposite directions. We had a lot of communicating to do to get to a place where we now truly know on a deep level what each of us believes and feels about whatever we're arguing about. In a marriage both partners are trying to uncover their own beliefs about <insert whatever topic that keeps coming up for you> In order to be able to communicate clearly, it is so important for both sides to listen…truly listen to each other. Fill in those knowledge gaps and you'll see a huge huge difference when that happens.
If homeschooling is new to you, take your time! Don't try to overload yourself by attempting to add in everything all at once all at once.
This is one of the reasons why I have created Lifeschooling Made Simple. This is an online course that's podcast style that is going to get you past those roadblocks that are scaring you from taking the leap to homeschool. It's going to also get you past roadblocks that are coming up for you if you're already homeschooling and you're like, This is terrible! I don't like this! I don't enjoy this! I created this course for the newbies and the ones that are just feeling stuck. My mission is to make homeschooling feel easy for you. I love doing this! I feel like I was running like a chicken without a head in an unhappy homeschool and I don't want that for you!
You absolutely can home school and work from home and do all the things without feeling like you're losing your mind or not doing enough. I promise you…this course will change your life!
You will breakthrough mindset blocks that are keeping you stuck. You'll have a plan for your homeschooling that works for your family. I walk you through literally everything from socializing in the right homeschooling co-ops, scheduling your day to bring more peace, setting up your homeschool space, decluttering. It's literally an entire podcast style curriculum that will give you so much confidence and you'll end up with a lot more freedom in your day because I teach you how to simplify everything! You can learn more about Lifeschooling Made Simple Here.
If you're feeling stuck in homeschooling and life and you just want clarity I have something for you that will help give you that. You get the steps to be able to slow down and start focusing on the right things. Grab your free guide at simplyfreeing.com/clarity.
I really hope that this episode was helpful for you and I hope that you and your spouse can be on the same page with homeschooling! I'll see you next time friends.
This has been an episode of the Simply Freeing Podcast. Let’s connect on Instagram @whole9family. If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot and share it in your stories. Tag me so I can thank you!