Ep. 7: Why Being on Autopilot Should Not be Accepted in Mom Life and 5 Ways To Live Intentionally

Our actions as moms are often very reactionary and we run on autopilot. It is extremely common to react based on what’s happening in front of us rather than being intentional with our days. In this episode, we’ll discuss ways you can get out of autopilot and back in control of motherhood.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

This Episode Discusses:

What autopilot is.

Why we might be living the consequences of living on autopilot.

Why it’s essential for moms to get out of reaction mode.

Why we need the right boundaries in place to be more intentional in our motherhood.

What we can do to live more intentionally.

DON’T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN? HERE’S THE EPISODE ALL TYPED OUT…

Simply Freeing? Motherhood doesn’t feel simply freeing when you’re on autopilot in a home filled with chaos, stress and a ton of pressure. In order to survive the chaos we NEED the right strategies and mindset to embrace the simple and enjoy the few short years we have with our kids. I believe that we are called to see that we CAN rise up, get out of our head, shut out the expectations of the world and what mom life is supposed to be like and change what’s not working so that motherhood is fulfilling. Join me as we discuss all things motherhood, homeschooling, minimalism, faith and health. My mission is to help you embrace simplicity and find freedom in your motherhood.  I’m Jackie from Whole9Family and this is the “Simply Freeing” Podcast.

Being on autopilot was my norm even before I had kids. Always busy, on the go, unable to rest. Taking actions in my life without thinking. It was very hard for me to slow down. I didn’t know how.

So what does it mean to be on autopilot exactly? It's a cognitive state in which you act without self-awareness. It means to do something without focusing. Without thinking of what is happening. Some of us are living the consequences of being on autopilot and doing things without being intentional.

Maybe you’re Making financial decisions on the fly without any wisdom, sound advice or prayerful consideration and you’re quite literally paying for it now. (That car that you “needed” ASAP could have been been paid off already if you bought a gently used one instead of being sucked into the latest and greatest one.)

Or even that dream house that you just had to have without saving for a bigger down payment first so your mortgage is lower. Some of our poor financial decisions are the cause of years of consequences.

Or getting that more expensive rental when it was clear we would struggle.

We’re suffering in our marriages because we’re too “busy” to cultivate them and give them the time they need.

We have non existent or very poor spiritual lives because we aren’t putting in the time with God.

We struggle with our friendships often because we're overwhelmed and forgetful.

Being on autopilot makes us busy and purposeless. And it’s become acceptable to believe that throwing some leggings on, rocking your messy bun and being a hot mess mom is normal until your youngest child turns around 5.

As moms it's so easy to get into this autopilot state of mind and create a habit out of it. Have you ever had a child ask you if they could do something and you said yes without thinking? The other day I saw Riley painting at the art table. I got angry and started yelling… Riley said, "But you told me I could!" *Sigh* I don't even remember telling her that. When these types of scenarios start happening consistently, that's a sign that I'm not in the right state of mind. That maybe I'm doing too much and I need a reset.

Our actions as moms are often very reactionary. We act based on what's happening in front of us. This is not what we want! We want to be in control of our actions. We should be in control! We are the parent!

If your toddler was beginning to run into the street, you wouldn’t call their name and run after them AFTER they were already in the middle of the road? No! You would prevent them from going near the street in the first place by making sure there were boundaries in place. You’d teach them as early as you could that the sidewalk is safe and streets are not. Your mission is to protect their life.

We need to be more intentional in creating boundaries that are just as solid as the ones we teach our kids to keep them away from physical harm. That same passion that comes up when our child is about to touch something hot on the stove should be the passion that we have for getting out of autopilot and being more intentional in our day to day lives.

As we experience the day to day of being a mom, we naturally learn how to be proactive. We naturally learn how to be 2 steps ahead of our kids so we can be a better encourager and a better guide for them. If my 4 year old is building a tower, I’m going to be talking to my 2 year old like this...

“Let’s be kind and remember how sad Riley will feel if you knocked that tower over while she’s building it.” We begin being proactive and learning to talk this way AFTER we’ve experienced the tears and agonizing tantrums of block towers being destroyed!

When we're being pulled in a million directions and we're living on autopilot we won't like the things that begin happening. We will be discouraged constantly while living life on autopilot because we’re in reaction mode. Being on autopilot means there's more stress, more nagging, more yelling and more mental exhaustion because we're not showing up in the best way possible for our family. We’re not thinking straight.

If you want to stop living your life on autopilot and live more intentionally here are some things that you need to do:

1. Make healthier choices.

Mom brain is a very real thing and what we put into our bodies does impact our energy and the clarity of our mind each day. This is something that I am so passionate about. I’m pretty nerdy about all things health and I’m searching for the right guests to have on this show that are going to give us insight into what we can do to take our health very seriously. Being on autopilot will sabotage your health over time. I can guarantee that. I cannot gloss over this topic. When your input is crap your output is crap.

But what if you don’t have finances to eat healthier and purchase organic foods with less chemicals? I know organic foods are more expensive BUT if you stopped purchasing the pre-packaged organic granola bars, crackers, the organic cookies and treats and focused instead on eating Whole Foods, (like fruits, veggies and some protein) you might find your food budget isn’t as high as you’d expect. Use Pinterest to find homemade granola bars. Make some breakfast muffins or egg cups instead of buying pre-packaged meals full of harmful additives. It will take a little extra time BUT prioritizing your health is worth the extra time, in my opinion. Remember it’s not just about us. We’re the role models for our kids on what it looks like to treat our bodies well!

And if you Don’t have the time to plan meals or you don’t know where to start, you can read How To Lose Weight Without Exercising: 9 Simple Steps to Create Healthy Habits That Stick😂 If you want honesty, i’m your girl!

I also have a FREE Meal Planning Printable that I created to help me plan out my meals each weekend. It has a section for you to write down your grocery list, a section to write out your meals and another place to write any notes you have about any of the recipes.

2. Minimize stress!

I know it sounds like a pipe dream right? Stress and kids go hand in hand but it's essential that you do whatever you can to create a more peaceful environment for yourself and you kids. Stress can cause you to be in that brain fog state. It can do so much damage to your health and well being. You have to take care of yourself. Recognize that feeling that starts rising up in you when you get frustrated. What do you start doing right before having an outburst and what is happening around you? Start making yourself aware of what triggers your stress and be more proactive.

I know sometimes our circumstances at home are the cause of our stress. But sometimes, to be really honest, we use our circumstances as a cover to make excuses for our own behaviors. Start praying for wisdom and perhaps, if you’re a part of a church, reach out to someone and ask for help! Talk to a close friend or relative.

During this strange time we are in with COVID a lot of us are distancing ourselves from church for the wrong reasons. Some of you might be using zoom church as cover because it’s easier than packing up the kids and going to church but we need community, especially during this time. So make sure that if you are still at home, your reasons for doing so are valid and not coming from an unhealthy place.

3. Simplify your home.

There are plenty of studies proving that clutter in your environment and your mental state are directly related. Taking the time to declutter what’s not necessary from your home will reap huge rewards! Do you know how much time is wasted by being tempted with distractions all around you at home. If your home is cluttered and you don’t have any systems in place, you’re getting visual cues all day long telling you what you have to do. Your countertop might have lots of papers on it as little reminders to take care of them at another time. But you know what happens...Life happens! And after some time, those papers literally become a part of the counter in your eyes! This is how late fees, unopened mail and long overdue RSVPS happen. Those cluttered countertops are keeping you distracted and continuing to react on what you’re seeing in front of you.

Cluttered kitchen counters are my pet peeve now. I even freaked out on my mom on our last vacation as I watched her unpack our groceries at our beach house. She was putting all the non-refrigerated groceries on the countertops to make sure that we didn’t forget they were there! I finally told her how stressed out it was making me and I put everything in the cabinets. I’m sure My mom thinks I’ve been taken over by aliens. But if you saw the cluttered lifestyle that I used to live and if you were to see my home now you you’d probably think the same thing. This is just one small example of how a cluttered home can destroy you as a mom and keep you in reactionary mode on autopilot.

This podcast wouldn’t exist if my home was the way it was in the past and if it did exist, it would have been slapped together without intentional decisions. It would have taken up an unhealthy amount of my time.

4. Simplify the way you use your time.

I know a lot of us are financially in survival mode. Some of us are working, homeschooling, being a wife and managing our home. We have a lot of pressure! Time management is so important and working without kids around is a much better way to be the most productive. A babysitter would be fantastic but it’s not always realistic.

Simplify the way you use your time by getting up before the kids in the morning or working once the kids are in bed. If you work late at night and don’t have the luxury of sleeping in, try to take a nap during the day, even if you have to put a 30 minute snow on and rest on the couch with your kids. You might have too much on your plate if you’re feeling out of control of your days. Now this would also depend on the type of job that you have. Some of you don’t have the luxury of creating your own schedule so you would have to be really careful not to overdo it so that overtime you don’t get sick from a lack of sleep.

5. Prioritize the right things.

Think about what your priorities are. Really give yourself time to sit and reflect on this. Is your life aligning with what you say you love and want for your family? "I'm not a planner.” I've always said that I'm not really a planner by nature in the past but now I see that speaking that phrase was just a cop out for me.

I'm not a planner by nature because it was just too hard to plan or even care about planning when I was on autopilot all the time. I was so busy I had no clue how to slow down and stop. I didn't get it. I didn't understand that I was literally sabotaging my own family by saying "I'm not a planner." We need clarity in the midst of all the noise. We need to see where we are going and continuously move forward. Some of you listening…you’re going backwards. You’re not confident enough to take any steps forward.

Not being a planner puts you in reactionary mode, and in that reaction mode our days don't feel very purposeful Planning helps us get our thoughts out of our head. It helps us create goals and be able to achieve those small wins. Those small wins are gold! They encourage us to keep pressing on.

Sometimes we are deceived by what a plan looks like. One of the biggest misconceptions for homeschool moms is that the curriculum that they choose becomes their plan. Then when the curriculum fails, they move onto another one when it reality it wasn't the curriculum's fault at all! I did this for a really long time and had a ton of half used and sometimes barely used curriculum to show for it.

Planning and goal setting go hand in hand. No plan and no goals and ultimately no vision for the future is not good. Planning your days helps you create a sense of purpose for your kids. If you have a child that thrives off of structure, you can provide that for them by creating a simple plan. When one of your kids asks, “What are we doing today?” If you don't have a plan, you can easily say something that doesn't end up happening. “We’ll go to the park later.” When we say this on the fly and don’t following through, what does that teach them? I know life happens and we have to teach our kids to be adaptable. This is about inconsistently not following through and delivering on your promises. This is not good for your kids. This isn’t good for you either. How will you view yourself if you’re constantly saying we’ll do this or that and it doesn’t happen? You’ll feel like a failure right?

As moms, flying by the seat of our pants because we “feel” busy doesn’t cut it! This is an important job that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Check yourself if you hear yourself saying “I’m not a planner” often. Is that statement coming from a healthy place? Some of us roll our eyes when we see a planner or we get one because that’s the thing to do and it ends up empty. We’ve never gotten past January or as a homeschool mom, if you’re thinking about the school year calendar, the planning bug might even fall flat by the end of September. Ask me how I know this! You aren’t alone! I used to live in a constant state of living on autopilot. It’s not a good place to be.

If this resonated with you, Please let me know! Send me a DM on Instagram @whole9family, take a screenshot of this episode, tag me and share it in your stories. I want to support you in this journey. Thank you for listening and sharing.

I know there is so much information out there and that doesn’t help us get to a calm focused place at all. Being on autopilot should not be the norm just because you are a mom. It’s a lie. Don’t fall for it! I’ll see you next time!